911 Squirrel
A fun, informative podcast about life, training, and other insights, within the careers of all first responders (Law, Fire, EMS, etc). Telling stories, sharing insights on training, diving into serious subjects, and laughing at ourselves.
911 Squirrel
The Weird and Galacticaly Stupid!
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Ever wonder why we have job security? We got some stories that answer those exact thoughts.
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Welcome to episode number 14 of 911 score elds and podcast four first responders. That's right. Episode number 14. And some of you are like, wait a minute, 13 was like three weeks ago. What have you been doing? Well, I have been doing some business for this podcast. Uh I've been I took a little vacation, which I had an embarrassing moment, which I'll tell you about here in a little bit. And I've done some other things. Uh just uh uh we've just done some things because life happens and that's what you do. You do stuff. Everybody does stuff, so get off my back. All right, no, I'm just kidding. Anyway, as the cool tech voice said, I am your host, Brad Mack, and this episode is called The Weird and Galactically Stupid. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, this is gonna be so much fun. All right. Y'all know where this episode is going. Down the rabbit hole of weirdness, into the minds of the chemically imbalanced, and of course, through the sheer wonderment we have of plain idiotic human beings. So buckle up, squirrel squad. It's gonna be a strange ride. And if i i I hope hopefully somebody is laughing their butts off uh at some point during the episode. And if you are and you need uh get some breathing going, well, just hit pause. You can always come back to the next thing. All right, first, may the White Cloud form follow and bless you all with fun and rewarding shifts. Now, before we get into the life and times of the oxygen deprived, let me be the first to admit I have done my share of stupid things. I believe me, I have done some dumb stuff. And this is where the last three weeks have come into play because just a few weeks ago I crashed my bicycle. Now you're thinking, well, how stupid is that? Well, it wasn't intentional, but I did do something stupid to crash my bicycle. And uh here I was riding, and I was gonna go from the curb to the asphalt. And there's always a little lip right there where the asphalt meets the curb. And it this lip was maybe a half inch tall. It wasn't even that I mean, it was no big deal. Now you think I would, you know, pull up on the on the top, you know, jump it like a BMX or whatever to get on uh onto the asphalt, but did I do that? No, no, no, no, no, no. I figured, yeah, I'll just you know turn into the asphalt and I'll be fine. Well, I went to do that and my front tire hit the asphalt lip and decided, no, no, no, I'm going this way, and my body was already going another way. Well, guess where what happened? Well, my body and my bike separated, and down to the asphalt I went. And luckily I live in a small town where there's not a lot of traffic. Because if there was, then there would have been a car behind me going, hey, Brad's head is big enough. Uh, I think I'll squash that melon, and the word Michelin would have been imprinted on top of my crushed skull. But luckily, that didn't happen. But I did have road rash on my left arm and left leg and blood just, you know, running down and coagulating and turning a different color because the oxygen runs out of it, blah, blah, blah, and I rode home that way. It's just so embarrassing. But I did it. I rode home, you know, like a tough little man I wanted to prove that I was, but stupid. Anyway, so it was quite the embarrassing moment. Now, as a first responder, I have done many dumb things. I have as an EMT, I stuck myself with dirty needles. Uh that's quite an embarrassing moment, or two or three or ten. Uh I've scraped the skin off my shin, pulling the stair chair out of the cabinet. That is not fun at all. And I've hit my head so many times on the door frame, getting out of the back of the truck, I probably have CTE. If you don't know what CTE is, look it up. I'm tired of I don't you should know what CTE is. I mean, gosh, it's it's all over the news anytime football season starts. All right. Now as a firefighter, I have done some dumb things. Like one time, I didn't lean into a hose that had 200 pounds of pressure. Yep. I don't my memory's a little hazy after that uh that initial, you know, uh, I've charged the wrong line from a hose bed. Mm-hmm. Now, I will say I took full responsibility of that and uh drained it and relaid it onto the hose bed by myself because I was assistant chief at the time. So you'd think I would know better, but no. So I did do that because I'm, you know, you take responsibility for the stupid things that you do. Um let's see, I pulled a 12 by 12 wood beam down with a pike pole. Now you're thinking, well, how stupid is that? Well, I was standing directly under it. Totally unintentional. Well, it was intentional. I was trying to look for hot spots and uh but not an intentional test of my helmet, which thankfully does work. Helmets work, so keep your helmet on. Now in my teens and twenties, oh my gosh, I could write a book that is is just as just as thick as Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace. I mean huge. Chapter after chapter after chapter after chapter after chapter after chapter after chapter after chapter after chapter. Because I've done a lot of stupid things in my lifetime. I oh yeah. Falling out of trees, hitting my head and so many times, cracking it open. Uh so yeah, you could say my common sense has taken a walk from time to time. Now we've all been there. Because you know, we're we're human beings, we're people, we're we're we're not the smartest uh tools in the toolbox, uh the brightest bulbs in the sockets, uh all that stuff. I mean, there I this is a statement that I I wrote this down just for this episode, and now I'm like, hey, this is quite an a statement. We try, we injure, we learn. You try something, you injure yourself, you learn not to do it again. So keep that statement in mind. We try, we injure, we learn. Now, as first responders, 9909,999 times out of a million. Did I get that right? Yeah, that's right. Uh we are diligent in using our training and experience to stay out of harm's way. Because be taking the call as a first responder, guess what we do? We go into harm's way. Firefighters run into burning buildings, police officers run toward danger, gunshots, stabbings, whatever, and EMS, well, they follow behind, but they're right there, you know. Um as for the general public, well, let's just give thanks for the lack of awareness, the lack of intelligence, and in several cases, the consumption of alcohol and drugs. For without these monsters of mayhem, we would not have job security. And we say this, I th I'm sure some uh somebody has says this somebody around you says this every shift. That, you know, the whole job security line, well, without without them, you know, we wouldn't have a job. Well, it's so true. And some of the statements they make when you first arrive on scene, you you just you you shake your head. You just you you put your you put your face in your palm and you just shake your head going, my gosh, what did you not have caffeine today? Did you did you not get enough sleep? Did you take the wrong, you know, is the meth a little bit more rednecked than usual today? What is it? Oh gosh, but it does make you wonder, you know. Which brings me to today's top ten. Now, today's top ten are the top ten statements given by citizens heard upon arrival on scene. These are great. Now, this first one, number ten, has been used time and time again. Practically every shift. And the number 10 statement given by a citizen, I've only had two drinks. Yeah, that that is given so many times. Because two drinks, now that's the that's the maximum. To where, you know, nothing will happen to you if you only have two. Yeah, nice try. When you smell like when you smell like a bar and you're still 10 feet away. Yeah, two drinks, what'd you do? How how huge were these vats of alcohol and why did you bathe in it? I mean, come on. Number nine. Here's a good one. I thought it was only a couple feet up. A couple feet? That's a story. That's 20, 30, 40 feet up. I mean, I can't even tell if you're smiling when you're that far up. I mean, give me a break. Number eight. Number eight's a great one. I fell backwards, and that's how it got up there. Uh, Dr. Proctology, room one. Dr. Proctology room one. What an excuse. Give me a break. Number seven. I've heard this one. I have actually heard this one. The dryer is broken, so we used the oven. Well, it's a heat source, but it's a heat source. It's an open heat source, and you're putting a flammable on it or near it. Yeah. Number. Number six. Here's one that uh our law enforcement brothers and sisters hear all the time. There's no way I would have done that if I knew you were parked there. In other words, off the side of the road or in one of those turnarounds off the freeway, and you wouldn't have sped? Yeah, sure. Number five. And this happens in all the big cities. Aren't people supposed to get out of my way when I'm riding my scooter? You mean on the sidewalk? When you're running one of those scooters and you're going downtown and you're on the sidewalk and you're uh number four. This is so cute. And it was found on the internet. And it's supposedly if it's on the internet, it's a true story, so who knows? Anyway, number four. A statement when heard upon scene, arriving on scene, if I could get my English correct. My teacher told me to call 911 when I needed help. So can you put my doll's arm back on? Oh my gosh. You know that's a little girl, just it's gonna cute you to death. They're gonna adorbilize you. Number three. I couldn't find my flashlight, so I lit a match to see where the fuel leak was coming from. And that's why your garage is now gone, along with your kitchen, your family room, your den, and uh all the pictures that you had in your in your drawer. Number two! And this goes for all the middle-aged people out there who think they still have a human body that works the correct way. The number two statement heard upon arriving on scene, well, I haven't climbed a tree in 20 years, but I needed to get my drone down. A 50-year-old guy gets a drone as a new adult toy. And whoops! Which which causes a causes a misstep or a broken tree, limb, and the next thing you know, concussion, broken ankle, broken femur. We can go on and on. And the number one statement made by a citizen, heard by first responders when arriving on scene, is so he handed me his drink and said, Let me show you how physics work. The long form equivalent of Altma Beer. Anyway, that is our top 10. So if you have a top 10 list or an idea for wine, let us know by sending us a message on our socials or email us at 911 Squirrel Podcast at gmail.com. And if you have have a top 10 list and we want to use it, by all means we will get a hold of you and you can be a part of that episode by reciting that top 10 list or and oh actually, and not or we will uh go the through the lightning run with you and you can we'll interview you and have a good time. So by all means, if you got a top 10 list, let us know. Alright, let's get into all the weird and galactically stupid. Now, we have scoured. Wait a minute. Let me let me get a drink first before I get into this because I don't want to sit there and go, oh, wait a minute, let me get a drink. Oh, how I love tea, mother's milk. Uh, all right. Okay, so we have scoured the internet, talked with other responders, and come across an endless supply of absurd and deranged. You have all come across these poor sanity corrupted souls maybe one every shift. Well, we're gonna start with one of my favorite idiots. And I say this with all due respect. I I'm not, you know, I'm not Yeah, I'm judging because we're talking about idiots here. So here it is. It's it's somewhere about 10 o'clock at night on a Friday night. And me and my partner Darren, sorry for the uh the um my body has decided to interject something. Uh anyway, sorry about that. Uh my partner Darren and I, we get called out to a drug overdose on this Friday night. Now we arrived on scene and found a 20-year-old male unresponsive and breathing five times a minute. Well, there's your problem right there. I mean, come on, five times a minute? So imagine five times a minute. So that's every what, twelve seconds? It's not really good. So anyway, so imagine two, three, four, yeah, it's five times a minute. It's not good. So, like good little EMS peeps, we start an IV and give Narcan. Now, this was way back in the day before Narcan Spray, you know, just wasn't quite on the market yet. Which I i it's you know uh IV Narcan, that's so much better than the spray anyway, so whatever. Anyway, the patient we get the patient loaded and he becomes completely awake by the time we take off to the hospital. Now, as he opens his eyes, he looks around and makes this statement. Oh man, I'm in an ambulance, aren't I? Now I confirmed his suspicions and told him he overdosed. Now his reply was as follows verbatim. Can you just pull over and let me out? My mom's gonna be pissed. Really? Really? You just OD'd uh you just overdosed. You were on death door, and now you want to be let out? I don't think so. So I explained how protocols and procedures work and and he resigned to the fact that he's going to the hospital. Now was he grateful to his friends for calling 911? No. Uh was he grateful to us for saving his life? No. He was upset with all of us, with the aftermath he was going to face with his mom. Twenty-year-old.
SPEAKER_04See, that boss just like a tattoo. Gets under your skin.
SPEAKER_02So he refused to answer any more questions at this point. Uh even in when we arrived at the hospital and we get into the ER and stuff like that, and he he moves over to the to the hospital bed on his own, all nine yards. Still was not gonna answer any questions until a very strong-willed nurse informed him of the other procedures awaited awaiting him due to his silence. The old catheter up an appendage that makes the manliest of men cringe. Uh yeah, he sang like a canary from then on. So here's a note to all the men around the world who refuse to take any responsibility or even fess up or even talk about anything when you arrive at a hospital for something stupid like this. You want to talk because otherwise, uh, you know, you want to keep that tube out of your pleasure zone. So make sure you talk, okay? Anyway, I'm the the kid turned out the 20-year-old kid turned out to be fine. Uh whether he did any more drugs after that, who knows? And boy, I'd like to know what the aftermath was with his mom. That would have been fun to watch. Be a wallflower in that house.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Anyway, here's another story. And childbirth is usually a magical, if not spiritual, uh experience, especially for the mother. Sometimes the father, too. Um, but usually for the mother. Now, it it it it's it's also quite the tactic for finding out the truth. Believe it or not, childbirth is. I mean, it's better than the CIA. And ironically, this story comes from Washington, D.C. Which please let it have happened at the Watergate Hotel. Please, please, please, please. That would just be the perfect icing on the cake. So I don't know if it did happen in Watergate. That would have been awesome, though. Anyway, two paramedics responded to an act of childbirth. Okay. Now, upon arrival, they found the patient sitting on the toilet, holding her newly arrived newborn baby girl. Newly arrived newborn baby. Yeah, that works. That's perfect English. Okay. Uh, the brand new 18-year-old mother was flanked by her mother, who was happy yet confused. Hmm. Interesting. You see, the new mom was insisting that her mother, uh insisting to her mother, if I could learn to read, that she had no idea she was pregnant. Okay. Now for context, let's let's make this per per per perfect per perfect per you know what I mean, let's make this clear. Um, the girl was a bit frumpy, but not, you know, obese. I mean, depending on your technic it's technical term, yeah, but I mean, come on. There's obese and then there's just obese. Well, she wasn't like obese, but and before Now here's the thing. Before you even yell at me through whatever device you're listening to this, it is possible, it is it is a fact that uh women who are overweight sometimes don't know they're pregnant because it's covered up uh by their girth for lack of a better term. And um yeah, they don't know. So, you know, so anything is possible, right? I mean, the lack of periods for months might be a clue, but weirder things have happened. Okay. So the medics remaining professional on this call cleaned the newborn and the teen mom up, cut the cord and brought the brought in the stretcher so they could load her up and the baby, and let's go to the hospital. Now, while the cot was being prepared, the more experienced medic asked old Honey Boo-Boo a simple question that ignited a firestorm. He asked, this is a great question. He asked, have you thought about a name yet for your baby girl? Now Boo Boo's answer revealed the truth. Her answer was, I've thought about it over the last couple months, but I haven't decided yet. Squeeze me baking powder. You didn't know you were pregnant, but you've thought about a name for your baby over the last couple months? Hello. So whoops. So you think I I think y'all know where this went. So the new grandmama uh was still happy about the new grandbaby, but uh the confusion soon turned to um I guess anger would be the proper word to use uh for her for her 18-year-old daughter. Um so yeah. So needless to say, they were separated out of the ambulance, and the grandmother uh drove separately, and I'm sure the hospital staff was informed about the possible conflict that may have happened. So yeah, there's there's two idiots right there. Not the grandmother, but the the the you know, honey boo-boo and and Mr. Drug Overdose. I mean, come on. They're probably who knows? He might have been the one that got her pregnant. I don't know. Anyway, now that's EMS stories. Now, do fire departments uh deal with stupid people? Oh my gosh, all the time. They get to meet many graduates of Imbecile University, morons who still can't understand how spark or heat plus fuel equals fire. Now, time and time again, you hear you hear about space heaters next to drapes, ovens left on, or the simple match used in the wrong circumstance, i.e., top 10 list of a guy lighting a match to find a fuel leak, blah, blah, blah, boom, boom, boom. Anyway, uh, you get the picture. Now, how about a vacuum cleaner? Huh? A vacuum cleaner? Now, uh how? Uh what do you mean a vacuum cleaner? How could a vacuum cleaner cause a fire? Is it you know, shorten the wire? What? Well, it's not really about the vacuum cleaner. It's more about the lazy genius who I'm going to call lazy for two reasons. And here comes the first. A man who has a roomba. There's lazy reason number one, because I'm sorry, you're a man and you got a roomba. Get yourself up, grab a grab a vacuum and mow your carpet once in a while. It takes you 10 minutes. Give me a break. Anyway, roombas are great for people who can't move around or whatever, you know, busy mom, but a man, come on. Anyway, this roomba was sent out to vacuum when it hits a table with a lit candle on it. Candle falls, fire starts. Now this man takes quick action by doing nothing. I'm not kidding you. This is the story. He did absolutely nothing. And then when the fire department arrives, he tells the fire department that he watched it all happen. He watched the candle get taken off the table by the Roomba and thought it was funny. Smoke pop much? I don't know. Ah, I wish we uh the story ends there, but I wish we knew what happened afterward because insurance companies, they look at fire reports, people. I I I don't understand what uh what prompts somebody to watch it happen and think it's funny why your house suddenly gets on fire. Love it. Just love it. Oh boy. Now, here's another one. Now, despite all the videos on the internet, there's always a half half-baked individual who doesn't know how to fry a turkey on Thanksgiving. Boy, do we see those all the time. Or, as we talked about in an earlier episode, the dazed and confused that try to control fireworks. Just not smart people. And before I get into this, let me get another drink because I'm drying out. Oh, tea. I'll have to tell you a story about tea here at some point. Anyway, okay, so people try to do stupid things. They they don't, you know, they they they don't with all the YouTube videos on how to do this, how to do that, do they watch him? No. Do they did they pay attention? No, they didn't pay attention to chemistry, physics, their uncle that burned half half their body up because whatever reason. Anyway, I could go on and on and on. But it's not just the fires that our brothers and sisters in the fire department go on, but rescues of the insane. And I mean that metaphorically. For instance, uh, a dad in Wyoming who I'm sorry, he should get he really should get dad of the year. Any any dad that does this is sh yeah, he he's committed to his kids. And he was. He was determined to give his kids a great Christmas morning by shimming down the chimney. Okay, great. That's wonderful. What a what a memory that could be. It'll last until they're you know ten years old when they find out that it's another early dad, but yeah, you know, it's still a great memory. Now two measurements should have been greatly considered. The first one, the width of the chimney. Obvious for obvious reasons. And two, the second measurement should have been the honest look at dad's own self-image. Now, one is possibly too small, the former being the width of the chimney. Or was the other too large? Hmm.
SPEAKER_01That boy's not as sharp as a bowl of law.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, uh, what happened to Dad?
SPEAKER_03Hmm.
SPEAKER_02Well, he gets stuck, which prompts a traumatic Christmas for the children that he's trying to make happy. Uh which in turn leads to a 911 call. And uh and then the fire department shows up, and then a really big circular saw gets started up and cutting into the chimney to get dad out. How wonderful. Needless to say, I don't think dad tried that anymore unless he had the chimney replaced with something a lot wider. Or uh there is Ozempic these days, so who knows. Either way, now here's another goody. Now this one comes from the private files. Private files? From the private files of a fire chief in a state west of the Mississippi. And when I read the rest of the story, now I understand why the location was not given. A town mayor. That's right, a town mayor, notorious for refusing to increase the budget or pay for his fire department or any of the first responder departments, had to be rescued. Now, what did what was he being rescued from? Well, let me tell you, he crawled out a second-story window, red flag number one, so not to be caught by his lover's husband, red flag number two.
SPEAKER_04Hello! Hello, anybody home? Hi, it's a good fly.
SPEAKER_02Now the pants of the married mayor, red flag number three, snagged the window crank, which in turn gave him quite the wedgie. That's red flag four, five, and six. Um boy, I hope he didn't take a little blue pill because priorism table one. Um now, needless to say, the ever-professional firefighters did rescue the passionate politician, and the department budget and pay has been increased every year since. Now, let's think about this a minute. The mayor, and it doesn't even have to be a mayor, just any stupid guy who goes out and has an affair, and uh uh he's married, he's having an affair with another married woman, and then crawls out a second story window. I'm s I'm I'm amazed. It's a good thing his pants did catch the window crank because you're talking broken femur, ankle, tip fib, concussion, back, and we could go on and on about what could have happened if he dropped from a second story window. I don't care how much you're into parkour. Hey, things happen. I wonder if he did get caught. I wonder if the husband did, you know, show up and go, hey, that's I voted for you. You know, I don't know. I I don't know. Anyway, but it's not just fire department and EMS either. Law enforcement sees the stupidity on an hourly basis, it seems like. Oh my gosh. And I s I mean I say this with absolute conviction. I have no earthly idea how to deal with the galactically stupid on a daily basis. But they do. Not only do these numbskulls make one choice that proves their inability to function in society, but they also continue to increase their incapacity. Oh my gosh. This is and here's one. And this one, I think there's quite let's see, how how do how do I say this? I think this one there is so many uh so many punishments going on with this guy that didn't even involve law enforcement. So now let's get through this first story. Because this guy didn't think any of this through until it did go through. And remember that statement. This happened in Orlando, Florida. A 32-year-old man walks into a Tiffany jewelry store and claimed he represented an NBA player. Okay, well, maybe he did. Who knows? Um, I mean, Orlando Magic are down there. Maybe a team's coming through town. Maybe they just heard about this Tiffany store and went, yeah, that guy's good. He's go see him, he'll give you a deal. Um anyway, the staff took him at his word and and led him to the VIP room, where he was shown two pairs of diamond earrings, one pair worth $160,000. A pair of diamond earrings. Jeez. But do you think that's exorbitant? Exorbitant? Whatever that word is. Uh another pair of diamond rings worth $609,000. And if that wasn't enough, a $5.6 karat diamond ring worth $587,000. Are you kidding me? My gosh, there's there's over a million dollars sitting on a table, and it's probably no bigger than your mouse pad. I mean, come on. Holy moly, I uh I wear a $35 Timex watch, and I'm grateful to have it. I mean, it takes a licking and keeps on ticking. Anyway, this smooth talker swipes the items up, which in turn leads to a struggle with the staff, whereby he drops the ring and then runs out of the store. So he didn't get away with the ring, but the two sets two sets of ten eight fires here to serve two sets of earrings. Oh my gosh, it's just ridiculous. Anyway, so he runs out of the store. Police catch up with him three hundred miles away. Did they find the missing jewelry? No. He swallowed both pairs of earrings. Oh my gosh, which was confirmed by an x-ray at the jail. Now, I want you to think about this a minute. One pair of earrings is worth over six hundred thousand dollars. How big? How well cut are these diamonds? Imagine, imagine, imagine passing razor blades through Yale would poop shoot. I mean, talk about you're already getting punishment that way, and you haven't even gone through the system yet. Uh ah. And having to wait for that evidence to come through? Uh and who is the forensic scientist that gets to clean yale earrings?
SPEAKER_05All of you relax. This is a matter of inconvenient timing. That's all. Police action was inevitable.
SPEAKER_02Now, if they got back to the Tiffany store, I bet you you could get those for half price now. But still, you're s uh. Feel like Peter Griffin in in in uh after he you know hits his knee. Ah, oh gosh, that just uh that makes me cringe, just uh ah, nightmares coming. Now, so that's one story. Now, the other law enforcement, it's amazing to me. And if you watch enough videos on YouTube or Facebook or wherever you watch your videos, you'll understand my next statement here because we've all seen declarations of sovereign citizenry, and it always seems to end in the breaking of windows or aggressive arrests. And I'm gonna get another drink before I finish the rest of this story. Now, even better are these exceptional minds that obtain law degrees out of thin air. I call them roadside lawyers. And they are. Just suddenly they have a law degree that uh just right there. Um but this next story, uh this is actually a horrible story, but I want to include this, not uh uh because of the stupidity of these three ladies. They are just stupid and I I uh whatever. But anyway, it it is, it's horrible, but it proves my it proves the case of the the the galactically stupid, and I mean galactically universal. I mean we're not even just galaxy, we're we're in the universe on the far edges where it's expanding when it comes to how dumb these three geniuses were. And so here's 20 three 20-something year old ladies. Now, they were pulled over for running a red light and no license plate. Okay, they were pulled over into a gas station. Now, these three geniuses, as I said, started throwing every excuse they could, uh, tried to hold court right there in the parking lot, and then, because I mean they're roadside lawyers, and then yelling obscenities at the officers. Now, what does that get you? Obviously, you you're you're it's not gonna end well for you if you do all these things. Did they comply with the officers? No. No, they did not. And then and the officers were even saying in the video, you can hear them saying, Look, it uh you you'd either get a ticket or just a warning, and you get you be put on your way. But no, they want to continue to argue with these guys, and one of them was a lady officer, too. Um they just continue to argue with them. I don't even know why. Obviously, the patients ran out, and the officers, and after telling them how this would end if they don't comply, the officers began to break windows to pull them out. Because at this point, you know, all that kind of stuff. And uh so the driver not wanting to be pulled out, and the other two grabbing hold of her so not to be pulled out. So they're now they're in a struggle with the officers. So the driver puts it in gear and it's bat off, side swipes one car and a gas pump. Takes off doing, um, I'm trying to remember the video, I think they were doing they were doing over 70 miles an hour down a city street. Now, city streets are usually 35 mile an hour speed limits. So 70 miles an hour. After running four stoplights, here's where it just gets absolutely horrible. They eventually caused a head-on collision, killing two innocent people and injuring another. Now, you would think their stupidity would have ended there. But no, think again. When officers came up upon the wreck scene, they were still yelling at the officers. They were still saying did nothing wrong, did nothing wrong, and then started blaming the police, saying that they caused all this. Really? Interesting. Now, how many times have this hap have have something like this happened? And on video that gets looked at, I mean, a lot of these videos go viral, and people still do not learn. This is an obvious worst-case scenario, but I mean, and it's horrible because they just all they had to do was just comply. The driver would have gotten a ticket. I think she had a suspended license. Um, the other two would have just been, you know, they wouldn't have anything on their record. All this would have been fine, but no. And one of them was pregnant, one of those girls was pregnant. It boggles the mind. But here, the here is just a few examples of why first responders had the best stories and the best senses of humor. And yes, I did that is the correct plural pronunciation. But it just shows the weird and galactically stupid. And I mean, we tell these kinds of stories all the time. And every one of you could probably go do a comedy open mic night and just and just kill it, you know. But one thing for certain, we all give thanks for the lunatics that bring us job security. And believe me, and there's and there's a story coming on Squirrel Theater later that it I mean, it is stupidity all the way around, people. All the way around. But for right now, we're gonna go to a sponsor and we'll be right back after this message. With a commitment to honesty, fairness, and reliability, 108 Fire is here to serve the fire and safety community by offering outstanding products and exceptional service. We are a dealer to the best brands and provide service to all. Makes and models and fire equipment. We also provide gear cleaning. Call 877-989-7660 or go to www.ten8fire.com for more information. 108 Fire, the premier provider to the fire and EMS industry.
SPEAKER_00This is the briefing. News from around the country that affects the policies, procedures, or employment of first responders. And now, the briefing. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Now here is um let's just say this. Stupidity and ignorance doesn't just uh isn't just for the general public. I mean, we've all just like I said earlier, we've all done dumb things. I've done dumb things, and I've known some first responders that have done dumb things. And it it just happens. And and it's it's never intentional, it's always accidental, or you just miss something, you forget about something, whatever. But I was I was looking for s I was looking at through news stories, trying to feel trying Trying to feel something. No. Um I was trying to look for something that um kind of goes with today's theme of stupidity and galactic, you know. But I didn't really find anything that would really be, you know, just outrageous. And then I came across this story, and this story happened last year. Um and I thought, are you kidding me? People are still doing this, and this happened at a fire department, and people are still doing this? Why? Why are we still doing this? Because this has happened several times in other places, not even at fire departments, EMS, law enforcement, frat houses. And you'd think we'd learn, but we didn't. So here's the story. This happened in Marion County, Florida. Four, four fire and rescue employees have been arrested in connection with the alleged violent hazing of a firefighter at a Florida fire station. The alleged hazing began with grease being smeared on the victim and escalated from there to a firefighter allegedly being beaten with a belt with his underwear pulled down and waterboarded, according to Marion County Sheriff Billy Woods. Here's a quote In my 30 years as a firefighter, this is the most egregious thing that I have that I've seen been report that that I've seen been reported to me, unquote, said Marion County Fire Chief James Panta in his breath press briefing. He later added that uh he was, quote, in shock and disgusted. Three gosh, three Marion County Fire Rescue employees, I'm not giving their names because they don't deserve it if they are found guilty of this or whatever. Uh one's 22, or two are 22, and another one is 19. They were arrested for kidnapping, robbery, battery, uh robbery, and battery. A fourth, a woman paramedic who's 25, has been arrested for robbery and principal slash accessory to robbery. The incident occurred while the alleged victim was working a 24-hour shift in Ocala. Uh, let's see, the alleged victim told authorities that several firefighters initially smeared grease on the victim. Uh let's see. The victim stated he tried not to let it bother him and did not retaliate because you know it's it's hazing. I I I I have no problem with initiation kind of a thing. But when it gets to this point, give me a break. When when you're doing stuff like this, it it just it boggles the mind. I mean, put salt, you know, put salt in their coke or uh put a plate of whipped cream on their ham when they're asleep, and then you know, itch their nose, whipped cream on their face. Something like that, but not anything like this. This is totally stupid. The alleged hazing escalated after the suspects tried to get the firefighter's cell phone password, after they learned he had a viral TikTok video. The alleged victim told authorities asked him about his large asked about his large let's see, the alleged victim said that one of them asked about uh the victim's large Instagram following, which he attributed to a TikTok video on dancing on a dancing trend that he said was embarrassing and had since deleted and no longer had. When one of the assailants is accused of then throwing the firefighter's work boots into the woods nearby, uh when the victim went to retrieve them, he was allegedly grabbed from behind, held down by two others. The victim advised initially he thought they were just playing around. Uh, but then one of the assailants then removed the victim's belt and the victim's pants were pulled down. That's when the victim uh felt that they were no longer playing around. Uh one assailant is accused of taking the firefighter's cell phone and handed it to another assailant, uh, then whipping him with a belt. Um let's see. Uh they said that they would not stop until the victim provided with the password to his cell phone. Uh let's see. Tried to uh one of the assailants unlocked the cell phone, tried to take pictures of the victim. They were held the victim was held down, put a towel over his face. They put a towel over his face, and then water was poured onto the towel approximately three times as he's as the victim struggled to breathe, while the suspects laughed. My gosh. And then a service call, uh, a call for service came in, and the they gave up the cell phone and went on this call, except for the victim. Gee, I wonder why. And the four were arrested and had been terminated from their department. Alright. Oh my gosh. Now how many times have we heard about this through life? Where a hazing incident goes just overboard and and the next thing you know, people are going to jail, and then you've traumatically uh emotionally, just mentally the victim, and we go on and on and on. And this has this should not happen in any department or agency anywhere. I mean this shouldn't happen anywhere, period. But when you're a diverse responder, really? So my goodness. Yeah, if if they're found guilty, send them to prison. I'm an eye-for-an eye guy, so certainly there's a couple other prisoners that would say, hey, you like your pants being pulled down, uh? You like being waterboarded, uh? You like being grease thrown all over you. Oh, gosh. So yeah. Thoughts on this story? By all means. Let us know what they are. I'd love to uh I'd love to read them and even read them on the next episode. My gosh, this is so just an email at 911 Squirrel Podcast at gmail.com or let us know on our socials, Facebook, blah blah blah. And here's the news story as of this recording, and here it is on Tuesday. Uh Dolly Parton has just passed away. So what? And I'm I'm I'm looking at this now. In fact, since we're in the briefing and this comes up, how interesting is this? Let me look this up real quick because I wanna I Inquiring Minds. Wait a minute. Yep, she died. She died. Wow. 80 years old. So by the time this is out, you'll have already known it. I'm sure Dolly Parton things will be all over the news. Uh wow, Dolly Parton dead at 80. Wow, that's a shame. So that was the briefing. Alright. Let's go on to other things. The sun shines its glory through the window. You stretched and feel refreshed. 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SPEAKER_01And now it is time for thoughts of the fleet mechanic.
SPEAKER_02You know, I think it's funny how EMS crews can interpret an EKG, but don't know how to read an oil dipstick.
SPEAKER_01Greetings and welcome to another edition of the Grand Squirrel Theater, where true stories are told, but in a theatrical style. In this episode's recital, our half-witted director has brought us a chronicle in which he relates only to the antagonists. Sit back and enjoy this wonderful saga entitled Rhapsody of Stupidity.
SPEAKER_02Forrest Gump once said, Stupid is as stupid does. Now, if you have a friend or family member that's a first responder, you learn quickly how true of a statement that is. My friend Tommy, he's a paramedic. A fun, loving, positive guy I have quite the respect for. Not only for what he does and what he's seen, but for all the brainless people he has encountered. One morning after he got off a shift, we went for our weekly golf outing. Now Tommy seemed awfully distracted and a little infuriated, which was illustrated by how he was swinging the clubs. I asked, You good dude? He said, Yeah. Just thinking of a call yesterday. So I asked him to tell me about it. Now Tommy never gets frustrated, so I knew this was gonna be interesting. He started the story of what he and his EMT partner went through. Jenny and I get dispatched to a 13-year-old with a sewing needle in his hand. Now we're thinking, yikes. Hopefully it didn't sever a tendon or go all the way through. When we got on scene, the family met us at the bottom of the driveway. We walk up to the boy and see the smallest of needles in the meaty part of his hand. No bleeding or anything. The kind of needle we used to poke through our skin as kids to freak girls out. Tommy paused his story to hit a second shot, which made me think, just pull the needle out and go about your day. But Tommy then continued, getting more angry with every word. So I grabbed his hand and to pull the needle out. When the kid jerked away and said, I need a doctor to do it. I said, No, you don't. Just pull it out and you'll be fine. At this point, the mom chimed in. He says he needs a doctor to do it, so take him to the ER. So I explained to both of them in a very professional manner why this is not a big deal and how they could save a $3,000 ambulance and ER bill and wouldn't waste their time. Mom became insistent and then said something I just couldn't believe. He says he needs a doctor to do it and what he says goes. Tommy was so irate just thinking about this poor excuse of a mom he hit his next shot 20 yards past the green. When we finished the first toll, he said, wait, there's more. Jenny and I shook our heads in disgust. Not only because of this weak mother and her insane offspring, but because of a statement our training officer reiterated in our in-service three days ago. He told everyone that it doesn't matter what the reason is, if they want to be transported, you have to take them. That's the policy. So we climbed into the back of the truck and I began treating him like a traumatic patient. But I had a plan. Tommy continued. While I wrapped this kid's hand and stabilized the stupid tiny needle, I'm gonna try to grab it and pull it out. Even just bumping the needle should make it fall out. But no! Mom started yelling at me not to touch it, that I'm not a doctor. No matter what I told her about my 15 years of experience in training, this idiot woman and her stupid son kept yelling that they need a doctor. While this was going on, Jenny was up front and she called the LT, who reminded her what the training officer said. Oh my gosh, we were surrounded by incompetence. Mom then got out, said she was gonna follow us, loaded her three young daughters into her car, and we all took off. During transport, I decided to firmly but calmly give this dumb kid a lesson. I told him how this was wasting resources, and if a serious call came out in our zone, that patient would have to wait even longer for help to arrive. The kid didn't care. I radioed into the ER and gave my full report. The nurse's reply was, Are you kidding me? Now before Tommy hit his next shot, he said, It gets even better! I thought to myself, how? Tommy then grew a wry smile as he finished the story. We walked into the ER and the nurse grabbed the kid's arm and hurried him into a room. The doctor was already there waiting and told me to stay. And then mom came in. The doc grabbed the kid's hand and pulled out the needle. He then started berating the mom and the kid in front of me and the three nurses he brought in for witnesses. What kind of a mother are you? Wasting our time because you let your own son rule the roost. I'm gonna make sure my report has every little detail in it. That way, if you do have insurance, they will see how stupid this is and may make you pay the entire bill. Now get them out of my ER. We got better things to do. Just as the doc was about to walk out, he turned around and said this. And another thing.
SPEAKER_01If you call 911 and one of these paramedics comes to help, you listen. They know more than you could ever dream of.
SPEAKER_02Tommy then finished the story with an ending that made me believe in humanity again. As I was getting my signatures, the dad called. You could hear him yelling at mom through the phone. She kept saying to him, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm pretty sure that mom and her precious boy were about to have an unpleasant evening. I thought the story was over. But Tommy had one last thing. He said, We got called down to the HQ as we left the ER. Apparently the doctor called our director. When we got there, the director, training officer, captain, and our LT was waiting for us. The only one who talked, well, yelled, was the director. He gave the other three quite the dress down. Then he looked at Jenny and I and said, Next time, do what you have to do. I got your back. Tommy was finally calm again. He won our golf round, which meant I had to buy the beers. I ordered him a few extra. He kinda earned it.
SPEAKER_01Well see, stupidity goes everywhere.
SPEAKER_02Really? A stupid needle in the meaty part of your hand and it's not bleeding or anything, and how is this kid? That kid's not gonna be a man. No. And the mother? They're everywhere, man. They're just everywhere. It's it it's kind of stupid. Now I hope you ha I hope this episode has been fun and you laughed a little bit, but I I I'm kind of going to end this on a little bit of a personal essay. Because while researching for all the stupidity I could find, I found myself doom scrolling through some of the most horrific videos. I mean, body cams, news reports, uh I mean, it already showed me something I already knew, and that was just how dangerous the job of a first responder can be. Now, some I've some of these I've seen before, some I've watched for the first time. I mean, police officers being shot, firefighters in perilous situations, medics being stabbed, lifeguards sacrificing their lives to save others, even doctors and nurses being assaulted. Uh I myself have experienced situations that, um, granted, not in the most peril, but they are a bit unsettling. And I think everybody, uh most of you have. If you haven't yet, don't worry, you'll it'll come because you're in that j you're in a job that is just like that. Now, one of the aspects of being a f first responder that we already know to be true, but we all need a reminder of now and then is our commitment to each other. I have said it before, and I'll say it again. We're not just brothers and sisters because of the job. We are family, no matter what race, religion, creed, personality, we all have each other's backs. And when something happens to one of us, hundreds, thousands, millions of the rest of us rally to the aid of the one. Um and it just it's it's amazing. I mean how many times uh I've experienced this, something happens on the other side of the country that you see or hear of, and you're just incensed or oh my gosh, and you know there isn't even a conscious thought when we rally. We don't sit there and go, Well, what's that guy like? Is he is he worth my time? No, we don't say anything like that. We just go we all just go ping, and over the past week, I have gone through the gauntlet of emotions. I mean, I've been horrified, heartbroken, to just downright just pee. To see the evil, the bad circumstances pass before my eyes, and then to become a spectator. But uh being a spectator, though, I'm rooting for the family, you know, to bring justice, to fight for the lives of the brothers and sisters brings us, you know, and it brings a hope only first responders can understand. Because we all know we're right there, ready to go. Uh and we live in a world where the word respect has lost its meaning on society as a whole. Where selfishness takes the lead and accountability has all but vanished. But in our family, though, togetherness, integrity, and teamwork, well, they just flourish. Uh Phil Temingus, that we interviewed uh some episodes ago, I mean, he said it best. You know, he was amazed that just, you know, there's work to be done and everybody just goes right in to go after it. Uh it is our duty, our mission as first responders, to not just protect the lives and the property of the community that we're serving, but also to be shining examples of humanity, you know, keepers of the unity flame. I know that sounds sappy, but it's true. We are the true citizens of our communities. We are the protectors of the weak and vulnerable. And but we also stand guard for each other. You know, I mean that's just how it is. But anyway. Uh I know that sounds sappy, you know, the keepers of the unity flame, the true citizens, you know. But it's true, all of that is true. It might sound cliche, but it's true. I'll end this little this little personal thing with a quote from Charles Dickens. You know, family not only need to consist of merely those whom we share blood, but also for those whom we'd give blood. And that's my little that's my little personal take. Now we have come to the end of episode number 14 of 911 Squirrel. Hopefully you have had some fun, maybe learned something. I hope I hope you've had a lot of fun with all the weirdness and the stupid and the new segment of uh the fleet mechanic and so forth and so on. Uh, if you want us to come to your department and do a podcast there, interview a bunch of people, by all means send us an email, 911 Squirrel Podcast at gmail.com. We we want to go on the road, we'd love to go on the road. We're gonna be going on the road soon, doing some more of these. In fact, we're gonna do more and more to where you don't have to just listen to my voice and sit there and go, Brad's trying to entertain us again. So, you know, we we want to make that happen. We'd love to come to your department and know that if you want if you know someone you want us to spotlight or interview because they've gone above and beyond, or they just talk a lot and they they're funny, or whatever the case is, and send, you know, let us know. Send us an email. If you have questions, comments. Uh I haven't done a recipe yet. We need to do a recipe. We need to put a recipe on there. At least put it on socials, you know. That way y'all can cook some cool stuff at the fire hall or EMS uh station, whatever the case is. Uh, you want us to train on something specific? Email us! You know the email 911 Squirrel Podcast at gmail.com. Go to socials on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, blah blah blah, all under 911 Squirrel Podcast. Here's another thing. Subscribe to our podcast. Leave reviews! The more numbers we get, then the more we can do, and the more we'll be able to go across the country and visit y'all.
SPEAKER_01Ah, please, please, please, please, please, please, oh please.
SPEAKER_02I sound like a geek trying to get the gorgeous girl in high school. Please, we will, we know we we want you to subscribe and have fun. All right, thank you for listening. Uh, really, from the bottom of our hearts. Please, thank god, please, please, thank you for listening. No, I am thanking you for listening. Thank you for listening. You guys are wonderful, and remember you are part of the team. Help each other, stay safe, and God bless you. We'll see you on the next episode of 911 Squirrel.